GUTFELD: Universities are brain-free zones.

Happy friday to everyone. I am wearing glasses because I have a stye. Thought I’d get that out of the way.

Alright, here’s this stupid, infuriating, idiotic story, which can only mean that it came out of academia. It happened at the University of Pittsburgh Cathedral of Learning, where a female student was allegedly sexually assaulted during school hours.

Now, that’s bad enough, but it gets worse. Students, understandably horrified, demanded more security on campus. And an anonymous student created a petition that garnered 6,000 signatures calling for more security cameras and stricter ID access passes.

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The university responded quickly with an email from the Vice Chancellor for Public Safety and Emergency Management. Remember the old rule? The longer the title, the less they actually do. In the email, the VC promised it would take additional steps, and that would include increasing patrols and security shifts, which means more police.

Can you guess what happened next? He suggests that it always happens when common sense collides head-on with the awakened fool. Stupid and destructive indignation. See, the Awakened are like that drunken asshole who runs south on a northbound highway, and eventually causes the destruction of someone else who was doing the right thing.

And so a backlash arose from students who claimed that the increased police presence would threaten the safety of students of color. As opposed to, you know, they want to be rapists. You know, I didn’t know that Pit was a school for the mentally handicapped. What did these students have to do to be admitted? Draw a turtle or a pirate? I tried that.

So, after a sexual assault, some students were more concerned about the presence of the police than the presence of a rapist. Of course, this is what happens when the media distorts the odds of police shootings. College kids prefer rapists. Classrooms aren’t safe during school, and cops are about as popular as a fart in a hot tub. And I know, I’ve done a lot of research in that area.

Which reminds us that college campuses aren’t just gun-free zones, they’re also brain-free zones. So here’s a microcosm of what you’re seeing right now in each city. Microcosm means a small sample of a larger problem like Joy Behar’s little toe. That’s pretty good. Yes. I could use a laugh. She never fails.

With crime out of control and with so many female victims. Where are the feminists? Why are they so afraid to speak out against repeat thugs who viciously brutalize women? Even when attackers are arrested, they are immediately released and their only punishment is being late for their next attack.

Here’s why: the female victim is now secondary to the mantra of systemic racism. For a long time, it has been a dogfight for first place at the top of the victim’s totem pole. But sorry, girls. Being considered racially oppressed is the equivalent of drawing a royal flush in poker. No other hand can beat it.

So if you are in the wrong group, you cannot be a victim even when you are a victim. And if you complain, of course you must be racist. In the world of social justice, violent criminals can be arrested and released without bail in hours because society made it to him and after every senseless attack, as always, the criminal’s long rap sheet is more longer than a Walgreens receipt.

Don’t you dare add more police because that will hurt your feelings. So that they can have a safe space for alternative ideas, but not for rapists. Using his logic, if you’re at an ATM late at night, the guy behind you is better off wearing a balaclava than a police cap.

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The fact is that crime is out of control because any attempt to reduce it is considered racist. It is a new hierarchy. No more good than bad. But racial justice over real justice. So after this dumb reaction, the person who launched the petition deleted it and then apologized like a fool. She quotes: “The fact that it seems like more campus police are being added because of something I did makes me a monster. And I know it.”

Now, in a normal world, that is, a world without progressives, these same words would be coming out of the suspect’s mouth. So I will repeat the words. “The fact that it looks like more campus police are being added because of something I did makes me a monster. And I know it.” The 18-year-old then adds, “I don’t think I’ll be back on campus on Monday. I’m considering going on academic leave or transferring to another school, if that’s possible.” Well, what about preschool? This poor thing needs another chance to grow up.